More Goofiness

In recent human history the ultimate measure of athleticism has been the decathlon, measuring strength, speed, endurance and precision. Two jumps, three throws, four track events, at one time I might have been able to score a few thousand points in those events. Then there is the pole vault and I don’t have a prescription for Viagra

But just because it is the best does not mean can’t be improved. It can be improved significantly

Strength, speed, endurance

For strength, by far the best and easiest measure is a heavy barbell. Pick it up off the ground and lift it straight up over your head. George Costanza was so powerful he could lift 100 pounds right up over his head. The fat heavyweights are lifting well over 500-pounds. For this, one point is award for every five kilograms lifted

For speed 100m sprint has always been the standard. But it only lasts a few seconds — too similar to the strength test. So 400m would be better. One point for every two seconds under 1:40

For endurance, a lot of people run marathons. But a lot of people run even further than marathon distance, so even if it’s not for me, enduring that sort of thing is not a big deal. Very few people could ever care to endure eating for more than a few bites. So: 10 minute eating event. When so few people in the world willing to endure such a thing, that has to be the very best possible choice. One point for every 100 grams eaten. And the competition starts with this event. And to hell with spreading it out over two days. The events are done in immediate succession with breaks less than three minutes

If Pete C wasn’t such a lazy fool, he could be somewhere around 5 000grams/60seconds/140kilograms by the 2012 Olympics. I’m even much more lazy than he is, but still willing to offer a substantial cash award to anyone who could beat my score