eatingalot.com

Every eating contest I’ve been in, we’ve been allowed to drink water along with whatever we’ve been eating. Sometimes taking the food and dunking it in the water makes it easier to eat faster. The difference between trying to eat eight saltines in a minute while drinking water compared to not drinking anything

Sometimes that style of eating is not allowed. Some people will say dunking a hotdog roll in water is disgusting. But those are the same people who are disgusted by eating more than three bites, so hard to see that apply. Soaking bread in water is no different from soaking spaghetti or oatmeal in water

What happens sometimes, though, is people will let the food disintegrate in the water during the contest, then never bother to eat it. Most often it is because they simply don’t like to eat and they would much rather watch the thing disintegrate rather than have to eat it. Occasionally it is because cash is offered and it helps give the person a better chance at earning the money. Haven’t tried that sort of thing yet, but perhaps I should

EPSN Magazine reported Joey Chestnut’s annual earnings from eating at $218 500.  A bit less than Alex Rodriguez salary of $32 000 000

Obviously money earned is the ultimate measurement.  With money a person can buy love, happiness or groceries.  So dollars are always what matter most.  In that sense it is easy to see Alex Rodriguez as far superior to Joey Chestnut.  But perhaps not

The minimun salary in Major League Baseball is over $400 000, while the average annual salary among all players is over $3 000 000.  That’s among the more than 1 000 players who appear on Major League rosters every year.  That means the absolute minimum a Major League Baseball player will earn is a bit over 1% of what Rodriguez earns, while the average is more than 10% what he earns.  Of the top 1 000 people to enter eating contests, are they all earning at least 1.25% of what Chestnut makes (say around $3 000)?  Do those 1 000 people average more than 10% of Chestnut’s $200k?  If not, that means Joey Chestnut dominates his contemporaries more than virtually anyone else.  Certainly more than Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth or Wayne Gretzky ever did.  That’s pretty damn impressive

You may not remember since they are now virtually identical to each other, but there was a time 20 years ago when ESPN2 tried to be different from ESPN.  The hosts didn’t wear ties.  They showed Australian Rules football.  Sometimes at 3:00 in the morning there were 300-pound guys lifting stones and pulling airplanes.  World’s Strongest Man sort of shit is goofy enough for me to think is cool.  And I’m dumb enough to try

First event was to take a 180-pound hunk of metal laying on the ground and lift it up overhead as many times as possible in 60 seconds.  I managed to do it five times, good enough for second place

Second event was to take two 200-pound hunks of metal laying on the ground, pick them up and walk as far as possible.  I’m not very good at that walking thing so managed to walk far enough to finish in only third place for this one

Third event was to bend down grab a barbell and stand up with it.  As much weight as possible.  I managed 525-pounds.  Which would have been three times as much as I weigh.  If I weighed 175-pounds.  The guys on ESPN pack on as much muscle as they possibly can.  At the amateur level there are weight classes and I was in the 175-pound weight class.  All that means is I had to weigh 175-pounds the day before the event.  Didn’t eat or drink anything for a full day, spent a couple of hours in the sauna, then stepped on the scale.  It said 175-pounds.  I immediately went to the buffet for a couple hours (along with a couple gallons water).  By the time the event started I weighed more than the guys in the 200-pound weight class.  The 525-pound lift was enough to finish first out of the five guys in the 175-pound weight class

Fourth event was to flip a 600-pound tire a few times, then drag another hunk of metal (400-pounds) as fast as possible and I managed to do it the second fastest

Finally, after five hours of doing all this shit and forgetting to stay out of the sun it was time to pick up sandbags, carry them and put them on top of a shelf.  I could only do one of them which was only fourth best.  200-pounds may not seem like a lot, especially compared to 500- or 600-pounds done earlier.  But I’m just not very strong and too damn uncoordinated on the events that had us moving our feet

Overall finished in second place.  Even better it was damn fun.  Congratulations to Mark T who won.  Last year he almost won National Championships (among amateurs who weigh under 175-pounds.  I’ll let others judge how impressive that is)