eatingalot.com

If the Miami Heat win the NBA Championship LeBron James moves into the top 15 players of all-time.  If they don’t — it would be so hilarious

The top 10, in order:
Michael Jordan
Shaquille O’Neal
Magic Johnson
Wilt Chamberlain
Kobe Bryant
Larry Bird
Bill Russell
Tim Duncan
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Oscar Robertson

Lakers are pretty high up there.  All their Championships came from having the best stars.  The Celtics Championships came from having the most stars.  A lot of people put Bird and Russell up higher than Chamberlain and Johnson.  All that means is they are discrediting the other Celtics players.  Maybe I give too much credit to Parrish and McHale, but when Russell was playing and the Celtics won every year, they required seven Hall-of-Fame players to beat Philadelphia and Los Angeles

Any top 10 list is pretty much Jordan and everyone else.  When the Bulls made the Finals, he was not only the best player on the court every single time, he was so much better than everyone else there was no way they could lose.  Shortly after O’Neal became the only other player in history to reach that level, but it only for a couple of years, not six

The rest of the top 20:
Hakeem Olajuwon
Bob Pettit
Kevin Garnett
Karl Malone
Julius Erving
David Robinson
Elgin Baylor
Dirk Nowitzki
Moses Malone
With James ranking anywhere from 12 through 20 depending on how this year plays out

Don’t Leave Me

The last words from Chris Farley to the prostitute he was with before he died. We can only guess if he was asking her for another round or if he was urging himself to keep holding on to life. He passed out, she left, he died

I am vertical
But I would rather be horizontal

From such an accomplished author hard to accept the horrid but, rather redundancy. But it is so poetic we can overlook that

Out of context any reasonable person would believe she is talking about sex.  Since it came from Sylvia Plath it’s likely something else

She is talking about doing bench press instead of squats. That’s so very wrong. Almost as wrong as carbon monoxide asphyxiation

That's Doing it Right

One argument for why women are tougher than men is their ability to endure the pain of child birth. That argument — any argument for women being tougher than men — is complete horseshit

Sometimes handling intense pain conditions us to better handle it again. Sometimes it causes us to use up whatever pain tolerance we had. A Prisoner of War will not always be able to handle a second round of torture because they endured one round earlier

Further, making babies fulfills a biological desire. It is fighting against these desires that proves true toughness. The desire to find your identity. Be successful. Eat. Fuck. . .

Women are much more likely to be anorexic. Men are much more likely to be failures; much more likely to be unlaid this weekend

Further, when it comes to fighting against the strongest and most powerful biological desire and biological need men fight so much harder with far more determination. When fighting against self-preservation men win four times as often as women. In the US 80% of all suicides deaths are men

When it’s cold outside, when the temperature drops to near zero, there are things we do to keep ourselves warm and comfortable. Stay inside and turn up the heat. Wear layers of clothes, including a heavy hooded sweatshirt when we do go outside. Also, imagine a fire in your rectum, an idea I learned from Rick Reilly, and something so many of us do

When it’s too hot outside, we turn on the air conditioner and imagine ice in our rectums

I don’t mind spicy food. A jar of jalapenos is a good snack, so long as it is the large size. Haven’t eaten any of them this year this year until recently. They were too spicy for me. Had to stop to drink water. Then I imagined I was eating ice cream. It made them taste cool, not hot. Then I thought why couldn’t I have just bought a carton of ice cream and not bothered with mere fantasizing. Upon that discouraging realization my mouth went from tasting cool ice cream to the hot spices

I find myself searching for reruns of 30 Rock in syndication with the hope that this time Alec Baldwin and Tiny Fey finally fuck each other. If it didn’t happen the first time, I should know there is absolutely no possible way of it happening in a rerun. If they don’t fuck each other before the series ends I will be upset. Like so upset I might even let someone know I’m upset about it

—–

The blonde from Three’s Company and Step by Step had something done to her face so that she now barely looks human, according to Star magazine. She was good looking enough with a big enough rack in 1977 to be a TV star. There is no way that can last for 35 years. Trying to recapture that at age 70 will always cause a problem. It seems the only good plastic surgeries are the ones that aren’t noticed. Except for hair and breast jobs. ‘Sup Gwen Stefani — she was hot in 1994 and looks pretty much the same now. Except for a much larger rack

—–

Virtually any PG-13 movie would be better if it had enough violence, sex and swearing to earn an R rating. Virtually any R rated movie would be better if it had enough sex and violence to earn either no rating or an NC-17 rating. Somehow being able to advertise that they purposely made an inferior product increases demand for the movie

—–

The exception that proves the rule I understand what this means and how it can be applied correctly. Yet anytime any of us use the expression all it proves is that we are fucking idiots
Taking 120mg oxycodone and giving one weeks paycheck to a street walker makes me happiest
You did that every day last week and it never made you any happier
That’s the exception that proves the rule