online dating
An observation I heard was that women who try online dating like to insist for “No Drama.” They ask for this because they’ve experienced their share of drama in the past (whatever it is that means to them). This is because they do stuff that creates drama
There is a place to write what you’re looking for. Mostly it’s either “Dating” or “Long Term Relationship.” Very rarely will someone put “Just Friends.” I put “Happiness,” because that’s the only thing I’m looking for. One time I got an email from a woman who wrote that she was looking for “Lots of Freaky Stuff”
We exchanged emails and she would say how she was into the freakiest things imaginable and no one else could handle it and it always caused her relationships to fall apart. I assured her all I cared about was the freakiest things I could think of
We met, chatted briefly, then went to her house. She told me to wait for a minute while she got ready. She returned a moment later with handcuffs and a whip, wearing nothing but strategically placed whip cream and a midget on her shoulders
I was like, “I’m all set, I’ll be leaving now.”
She was like “I thought you were into freaky stuff.”
I was like “I already fucked the vacuum cleaner, ate all your cereal and took everything from your purse and shoved it into my butt.”
I took the midget off her shoulders and went home
